Once upon a time I lived in Santa Cruz, CA. Ever since I left Santa Cruz, I've yearned to return; but, what would I be returning to? When I was there I was in a totally different place in my life. I was homeless and drug addicted, and there was absolutely NO stability in my life. Now, I'm a father of three, I'm married, and I work full time to support my family.
I think that I'm in love with memories. I look back on my time there and think to myself that it was my own personal garden of eden, but alas, it was not. My life was fucked up beyond belief. Sure there were amazing times when nothing seemed like it could go wrong, but there were thousands of times when it was the exact opposite.
My family and I took a vacation back to Santa Cruz last year, and while it was wonderful to see it all again, I still had to see my very close friends struggling with their continued homelessness. I had to see them starving, and ravaged by drugs. It was not the same town... even though it completely was.
Going back to live there could never be the same. I would have to make new friends because it would be unfair to subject my children to the daily ongoings of junkies. I would have to make (nearly) all new friends, and I would have to avoid all the places that my junkie friends would be at. That sounds like a lot of work.
There are people there, however, that I would definitely still hang out with. I guess what it comes down to is this: I love my friends in Santa Cruz, I just don't know if it's a good place to raise my kids. Temptation could possibly be much too strong for me, and then the next thing you know, my life would be ruined. That is something that I COULD NOT handle.
This is not set in stone however. Maybe some day down the road, I will have enough faith in myself to be able to handle such a situation... I don't know for sure. What I do know is that Santa Cruz is not the city IN my dreams, even if it is the city OF my dreams. Thinking time.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Drug Culture
I've spent a large portion of my 30 years on this big, blue ball, using drugs. ALL drugs. I've done most of them anyway, and numerous times each. I've been the degenerate and I've been the productive citizen. I've lived at both ends of the spectrum, which I believe allows me the right to speak on this.
I find myself between a rock and a hard place on this issue. I agree with many arguments for, and against the use of drugs; but, doesn't it come down to a matter of personal freedom? Shouldn't it be OUR choice what we do to ourselves?
There is definitely a sub-culture that can prove quite dangerous. A sub-culture defined be degenerates, thieves and rapists. People that are completely willing to do WHATEVER it takes to maintain their habit; whereas, there is another sub-culture that is able to maintain their habit and remain productive members of society. The people that function normally throughout the day, hold jobs, take care of their issues, yet still use drugs... should these people live in fear of reprimand for doing something that causes no problem in society? This is not me saying that it is appropriate for a parent to use heroin while bathing their infants.
Now an issue dealing with the black market. The black market will exist eternally, but through the denial of personal freedoms, the black market is thriving. If it were made obsolete, crime would dwindle to record lows. There WILL ALWAYS be crime, but that doesn't mean it's not possible to diminish the level without using scare tactics.
I guess my ultimate point would be this: We need money. We are currently losing money to international drug trade. If we eliminate that, and tax and regulate our own homemade drugs, the "officials" would stand to make billions annually just from tax revenue alone. Draw your own conclusions. Marijuana is not a drug.
I find myself between a rock and a hard place on this issue. I agree with many arguments for, and against the use of drugs; but, doesn't it come down to a matter of personal freedom? Shouldn't it be OUR choice what we do to ourselves?
There is definitely a sub-culture that can prove quite dangerous. A sub-culture defined be degenerates, thieves and rapists. People that are completely willing to do WHATEVER it takes to maintain their habit; whereas, there is another sub-culture that is able to maintain their habit and remain productive members of society. The people that function normally throughout the day, hold jobs, take care of their issues, yet still use drugs... should these people live in fear of reprimand for doing something that causes no problem in society? This is not me saying that it is appropriate for a parent to use heroin while bathing their infants.
Now an issue dealing with the black market. The black market will exist eternally, but through the denial of personal freedoms, the black market is thriving. If it were made obsolete, crime would dwindle to record lows. There WILL ALWAYS be crime, but that doesn't mean it's not possible to diminish the level without using scare tactics.
I guess my ultimate point would be this: We need money. We are currently losing money to international drug trade. If we eliminate that, and tax and regulate our own homemade drugs, the "officials" would stand to make billions annually just from tax revenue alone. Draw your own conclusions. Marijuana is not a drug.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Thin The Herd.
Hunting season is NOT open... but it should be. What are the reasons that allow a hunting season? Overpopulation and the suffering derived from it (starvation, disease, etc.) Now, if we are given the right, at certain times of the year, to kill designated groups of animals... why can't that carry over to people?
I want a child molester season. For one, child molesters get tiny little jail sentences for raping children. On average, marijuana USERS get double what a child molester would get as far as sentencing. Then these bastards are allowed to return to society under the assumption that the little bit of treatment they have undergone, was enough to cure them of this affliction. The weird thing about that, is we as a society (generally) agree that homosexuality is not a choice, just like heterosexuality is not a choice... so what stands to reason that molesters are choosing to do this? How do we know that it isn't ingrained in them from birth? A large difference between these aforementioned sexualities is this: homosexuals and heterosexuals (as long as the sex is consensual) are not hurting anybody, whereas molesters are doing exactly that. Thin the herd.
On another note, I hate stupid people. I'm not talking about people that are less than average mentally, I'm talking about the ones that literally have no sensible cognitive abilities. They say that the world needs ditch diggers, too... but I don't buy that anymore. I'm sick of paying taxes that in turn take care of some rejects problems. You want to boost the economy? Get rid of the dead weight. Thin the herd.
This season can also apply to the lame, sick, broken, and pathetic. If you're not moving forward, you're standing in the way. I'm sorry if this offends anybody, but seriously, fucking toughen up. If you're reading this, then I'm sure you wouldn't be on the list. If you SHOULD be on the list... then get the fuck off of my shit. Good day.
I want a child molester season. For one, child molesters get tiny little jail sentences for raping children. On average, marijuana USERS get double what a child molester would get as far as sentencing. Then these bastards are allowed to return to society under the assumption that the little bit of treatment they have undergone, was enough to cure them of this affliction. The weird thing about that, is we as a society (generally) agree that homosexuality is not a choice, just like heterosexuality is not a choice... so what stands to reason that molesters are choosing to do this? How do we know that it isn't ingrained in them from birth? A large difference between these aforementioned sexualities is this: homosexuals and heterosexuals (as long as the sex is consensual) are not hurting anybody, whereas molesters are doing exactly that. Thin the herd.
On another note, I hate stupid people. I'm not talking about people that are less than average mentally, I'm talking about the ones that literally have no sensible cognitive abilities. They say that the world needs ditch diggers, too... but I don't buy that anymore. I'm sick of paying taxes that in turn take care of some rejects problems. You want to boost the economy? Get rid of the dead weight. Thin the herd.
This season can also apply to the lame, sick, broken, and pathetic. If you're not moving forward, you're standing in the way. I'm sorry if this offends anybody, but seriously, fucking toughen up. If you're reading this, then I'm sure you wouldn't be on the list. If you SHOULD be on the list... then get the fuck off of my shit. Good day.
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Freedom of Misspeech.
Freedom of speech, I'm definitely a fan. It's the one thing that makes it okay for me to tell an officer of the law that he's a fucking dick. It can be used as a way to voice opinions that could affect change in a positive manner, but it can also be used as a weapon. I've always said that amendments are the governments way of making themselves infallible; for, if they constantly change the rules, we can never win. This certain area however, I think needs to be applied appropriately.
Such as the case of homosexuals that have served our country in battle and gave their lives for ours. How dare these christian right motherfuckers parade around, acting like these honorable men and women deserve to be blasted on their death beds over their sexual orientation? Not much (aside from child molestation) makes me sicker than people of this persuasion's funerals and burials, being desecrated by picketing and protesting.
Let's see you get out there and basically kill yourself in the hope that you are bettering your nation. Does the fact that these men slurp rod, or these ladies munch box really deter from the fact that they die in combat FOR YOU? I say, nay. They are heroes regardless of what they do in their beds at home.
The dropping of "don't ask, don't tell" has not slowed the rate of people joining the military, nor has it caused any disruptance in the branches. People are gay, people are straight, people fuck horses. None of it is more correct than the rest, so stop fucking with fallen heroes... even the homos.
POW - MIA
Such as the case of homosexuals that have served our country in battle and gave their lives for ours. How dare these christian right motherfuckers parade around, acting like these honorable men and women deserve to be blasted on their death beds over their sexual orientation? Not much (aside from child molestation) makes me sicker than people of this persuasion's funerals and burials, being desecrated by picketing and protesting.
Let's see you get out there and basically kill yourself in the hope that you are bettering your nation. Does the fact that these men slurp rod, or these ladies munch box really deter from the fact that they die in combat FOR YOU? I say, nay. They are heroes regardless of what they do in their beds at home.
The dropping of "don't ask, don't tell" has not slowed the rate of people joining the military, nor has it caused any disruptance in the branches. People are gay, people are straight, people fuck horses. None of it is more correct than the rest, so stop fucking with fallen heroes... even the homos.
POW - MIA
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Unintentional Authorative Scares
It's no mystery to anyone that knows me, that I've had a lot of problems with the law in my past. I spent about 4 years, between the ages of 12 and 18, locked up in juvenile placements; and, as an adult, I've been to prison 3 times. Now, I can't say that I'm some hardened criminal, just an ex-drug addict with some issues. Drugs and alcohol helped me opt for stupid, stupid, stupid things. (Weed is not a drug)
Due to my criminal actions, the hate of incarceration is burned into me. I can't stand the idea of going back. It's not that I'm scared, it's that I REALLY don't want to. Duh. I've been out of trouble now for a few years, and I spend my time being married, raising 3 daughters, and working. Typical lame. I have an existing fault somewhere deep inside me though, in the fact that I'm scared shitless of cops.
From a distance, I'm just like anyone else... a middle finger in the air as I drive by. If there happens to be one parked somewhere running a speed trap however, I nearly poop my pants as I pass. The adrenaline starts pumping, I get shaky, and my eyes get so big that you'd swear I was tweeking.
What the fuck man? Why does it have to be like this? Will I ever be able to drive past a cop and have it not bother me? Or is it ingrained in my being to always detest and fear cops. They're here to "protect and serve" us, but all I see when I look at them is an asshole that gets off on taking me to jail. Fuck the police.
Due to my criminal actions, the hate of incarceration is burned into me. I can't stand the idea of going back. It's not that I'm scared, it's that I REALLY don't want to. Duh. I've been out of trouble now for a few years, and I spend my time being married, raising 3 daughters, and working. Typical lame. I have an existing fault somewhere deep inside me though, in the fact that I'm scared shitless of cops.
From a distance, I'm just like anyone else... a middle finger in the air as I drive by. If there happens to be one parked somewhere running a speed trap however, I nearly poop my pants as I pass. The adrenaline starts pumping, I get shaky, and my eyes get so big that you'd swear I was tweeking.
What the fuck man? Why does it have to be like this? Will I ever be able to drive past a cop and have it not bother me? Or is it ingrained in my being to always detest and fear cops. They're here to "protect and serve" us, but all I see when I look at them is an asshole that gets off on taking me to jail. Fuck the police.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Respect Your Elders.
Old people suck, but they've been through it all and know more than you. Kids today are just like they were when I was a kid, they think they know everything. My oldest daughter is 10, and she is constantly trying to tell us what's up. I don't know what it is about kids thinking they are so smart; because ultimately, they are very dumb.
Now Gwennie (my oldest) is VERY book smart. She leads her class in academia and does better then dad did, even though I'm a freaky genius. Common sense, on the other hand, has seemed to elude her. My wife and I do everything we can to help that out, but it seems as though she is at war with the common good.
Example: We asked her to clean the kids bathroom one day and she grumbled, but we expected that, then she reluctantly rose and went to work on it. She did just as she should, she worked her way from the top to the bottom like anyone with sense would do... but that's as far as the sense carried. She then showed us her progress before she started to sweep and mop, and it was pristine. "Looking good," we told her "now finish it up please." I happened back by the bathroom about 3 minutes later and saw that she had taken dirty floormats and the garbage can and placed them upon the clean surfaces, inevitably dirtying what she just cleaned. Now anyone with common sense would've thought, "Better not put these on the nice, clean surfaces." but not Gwennie. So then upon attemting to explain to her how that wasn't the best way to go about it, and that she should've moved the things OUT of the bathroom, she turned to us and attempted to educate us on the situation beginning with her favorite word, "actually."
That word is enough of a sentence for the wife and I to stifle her every time. We are thoughtful in the way we run our household, and in the way we teach things to our kids. We've never steered them wrong in any way, and (hopefully) never will; and yet, somehow Gwennie believes she already knows everything. I used to think it was just her being a brat, but after some recolection and consideration, I realized that in general, kids typically don't respect their elders. I can't explain why this is, but I have a theory.
When I was her age I didn't dare talk back because I would feel it in the morning. Children don't fear their parents anymore, nor any other adult figures. I say bring back the fear to instill the respect. I'm not saying to beat your kids, but as long as they think it's possible that you could at any given moment, I bet they'll spend a lot less time acting up and a lot more time doing EXACTLY what you want them to do.
Ultimately, kids are great, they are a treasure to be treasured... but man do I want to beat them sometimes.
Now Gwennie (my oldest) is VERY book smart. She leads her class in academia and does better then dad did, even though I'm a freaky genius. Common sense, on the other hand, has seemed to elude her. My wife and I do everything we can to help that out, but it seems as though she is at war with the common good.
Example: We asked her to clean the kids bathroom one day and she grumbled, but we expected that, then she reluctantly rose and went to work on it. She did just as she should, she worked her way from the top to the bottom like anyone with sense would do... but that's as far as the sense carried. She then showed us her progress before she started to sweep and mop, and it was pristine. "Looking good," we told her "now finish it up please." I happened back by the bathroom about 3 minutes later and saw that she had taken dirty floormats and the garbage can and placed them upon the clean surfaces, inevitably dirtying what she just cleaned. Now anyone with common sense would've thought, "Better not put these on the nice, clean surfaces." but not Gwennie. So then upon attemting to explain to her how that wasn't the best way to go about it, and that she should've moved the things OUT of the bathroom, she turned to us and attempted to educate us on the situation beginning with her favorite word, "actually."
That word is enough of a sentence for the wife and I to stifle her every time. We are thoughtful in the way we run our household, and in the way we teach things to our kids. We've never steered them wrong in any way, and (hopefully) never will; and yet, somehow Gwennie believes she already knows everything. I used to think it was just her being a brat, but after some recolection and consideration, I realized that in general, kids typically don't respect their elders. I can't explain why this is, but I have a theory.
When I was her age I didn't dare talk back because I would feel it in the morning. Children don't fear their parents anymore, nor any other adult figures. I say bring back the fear to instill the respect. I'm not saying to beat your kids, but as long as they think it's possible that you could at any given moment, I bet they'll spend a lot less time acting up and a lot more time doing EXACTLY what you want them to do.
Ultimately, kids are great, they are a treasure to be treasured... but man do I want to beat them sometimes.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Come on, really?
So the other day, I'm watching one of my favorite radio shows on ustream, and they were doing a bit called "Cheeky Monkey," where, the phone screener was getting pictures of monkeys stapled to her butt. Hilarious, right? Well not to everyone apparently.
A lady called in saying how her and her 12 year old son love listening to the show. She also mentioned that her son said he couldn't wait to get home after school to watch the video of the bit, because obviously (a) it's funny, and (b) it includes girl butt. I don't see anything wrong with that.
On the side of the video is a chat stream, where a couple people were commenting on how bad of a mother she is for "encouraging" (allowing) her son to see such a video. Now, the lady in the video is wearing underwear (not a thong, UNDERWEAR!) and there is nothing dirty about it.
By the time I was 12 I had already been given permission to look at my dad's porn collection (periodicals such as EASYRIDERS, and IRON HORSE, due to the fact that he is a biker) and did so regularly, of course. There was no penetration involved, just pictures of naked women on motorcycles, and it did NO damage to me. Quite the opposite actually, I believe. The more we hide sexuality from our children, the more fucked up they're going to turn out.
Now I'm not saying you should sit them down and teach them about fisting, but is looking at a butt really a bad thing? I don't think so. So, in summary, butts are good, and keep your stupid ass views out of other peoples lives.
A lady called in saying how her and her 12 year old son love listening to the show. She also mentioned that her son said he couldn't wait to get home after school to watch the video of the bit, because obviously (a) it's funny, and (b) it includes girl butt. I don't see anything wrong with that.
On the side of the video is a chat stream, where a couple people were commenting on how bad of a mother she is for "encouraging" (allowing) her son to see such a video. Now, the lady in the video is wearing underwear (not a thong, UNDERWEAR!) and there is nothing dirty about it.
By the time I was 12 I had already been given permission to look at my dad's porn collection (periodicals such as EASYRIDERS, and IRON HORSE, due to the fact that he is a biker) and did so regularly, of course. There was no penetration involved, just pictures of naked women on motorcycles, and it did NO damage to me. Quite the opposite actually, I believe. The more we hide sexuality from our children, the more fucked up they're going to turn out.
Now I'm not saying you should sit them down and teach them about fisting, but is looking at a butt really a bad thing? I don't think so. So, in summary, butts are good, and keep your stupid ass views out of other peoples lives.
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