Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Unintentional Authorative Scares

It's no mystery to anyone that knows me, that I've had a lot of problems with the law in my past.  I spent about 4 years, between the ages of 12 and 18, locked up in juvenile placements; and, as an adult, I've been to prison 3 times.  Now, I can't say that I'm some hardened criminal, just an ex-drug addict with some issues.  Drugs and alcohol helped me opt for stupid, stupid, stupid things. (Weed is not a drug)

Due to my criminal actions, the hate of incarceration is burned into me.  I can't stand the idea of going back.  It's not that I'm scared, it's that I REALLY don't want to.  Duh.  I've been out of trouble now for a few years, and I spend my time being married, raising 3 daughters, and working.  Typical lame.  I have an existing fault somewhere deep inside me though, in the fact that I'm scared shitless of cops.

From a distance, I'm just like anyone else... a middle finger in the air as I drive by.  If there happens to be one parked somewhere running a speed trap however, I nearly poop my pants as I pass.  The adrenaline starts pumping, I get shaky, and my eyes get so big that you'd swear I was tweeking. 

What the fuck man?  Why does it have to be like this?  Will I ever be able to drive past a cop and have it not bother me? Or is it ingrained in my being to always detest and fear cops.  They're here to "protect and serve" us, but all I see when I look at them is an asshole that gets off on taking me to jail.  Fuck the police.

1 comment: